Thursday, September 23, 2010


I always have pre-menstrual syndrome. During this time, my mood is always bad and body will ache too. All these symptoms still bearable until recently, the emotional symptoms have gone worse. I noticed that I couldn’t control my anger and emotion as well as last time.

Just last week, I was eager to look for houses and fixed a date with the agent to see house on first day of Raya. Boy boy not around (he was somewhere doing his ‘drifting’), so I ajak my dad to see it with me. Then he gave me all the cold remarks saying why need to buy condo, why buy second hand, buy some new house etc.

I was frustrated because he was the one who told me to lower down my budget and when I lower it down, I couldn’t find any landed property in PJ area for that kind of price, so I have to settle with condo. Then I controlled (I did control ok) my temper and said, “see only ma, not buying also”. My bro sensed my emotion, so he quickly conquered my statement, “yalor, see only ma”.

I was so down when I talked to Boy boy that night, the moment I said, “I don’t wanna buy house liao la, so troublesome”, my tears started come out. Then when he asked why, I lost control and said, “my dad la … sometimes he said this … sometimes he said that … then when I look at Setia Alam, you said so far … ask you go around the new houses then u mien hak hak (muka bengang)… then you don’t wanna marry me … what for buy a house … don’t wanna marry la … don’t wanna buy house la ...” I kept going and going and my tears flowing and flowing until I also don’t know what am I talking.

I admit la, I totally lost control during that time ok. Now when I think of the incident, I find myself so kelakar. And I don’t even know whether my mum overheard me crying or not, because it was just freaking loud. The next day morning both of my parents didn’t say anything.

Sigh, is just that I have tahan my emotions for so long (bearing in mind that boy boy don’t wanna get married until we buy a house, some more we didn’t save any money for buying a house, then cannot take out EPF account 2 money to buy joint-name house if we are not registered), lots and lots of factors bothering me and finally my volcano burst.

This is the first time that I raised my voice when I am crying and don’t know what am I talking about. I was choking like mad after that. Then finally after a few deep breathe, I calmed down. Boy boy just kept quiet all the way to let me settle down. He knows that if he says one more sentence, my tears and babbling wont ever stop.

Sigh, what to do when only one side has the initiation to do something? Cannot clap without both hands, you know. I am starting to get bored with this already. Bored of myself craving for marriage.

You know what, I finally got an answer from him and he said he will get married when he is 31 years old. Ok, at least I have an answer. He don’t want to get tied down so early, he still wanna go hang out with friends, go clubbing and see chicks. So you guys, don’t ask when am I going to get married, that’s the answer I am going to give you, another 3 years.

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