Saturday, July 18, 2009

Tiny Thoughts # 10

Just came back from Angela's church wedding. During the wedding, her husband's cousin performed some songs using piano. When he sang "Tong Hua", my tears were rolling in my eyes. I know I am not suppose to cry during a wedding (and I am not crying because I cant marry yet), and I thought I have calm down since yesterday's incident. It was just piercing my heart that the song made me think about what happened between me and him last night. I dont know why he acted like that. I dont know why he refused to talk to me. I dont know why he dont even want to look into my eyes. His face was so 'black' I thought he was still mad at me. But when I asked, he said he is not mad at me. He was facing the computer whole time and dont bother to talk to me. I was sad. I dont know why he behaved like that. He have never acted like that before. There were no arguements. There were silence. It made me shivers. I asked about eating dinner, he ate peanuts. Gosh, I cant stand this. Even though it was 1 hour only, it looked to me as if the whole night. I packed my bags, and I told him, "I am leaving'. He kept quiet. I took the key, went down stairs, told his mum that I am going back. She was surprised because normally he would send me out. This time, I was holding the keys. She asked why, I just said his mood was not so good, I cant continue the sentence coz the tears were coming out. She said we used to be very good. Ya I know, this thing never happen to us at all. She just pad my back, and said, 'maybe working pressure'. I left the house, tears rolling, hoping he will call me back. But, he didnt. I walked towards the LRT, cant even see clearly the road, hoping my phone will ring, but it didnt. My heart sank. He didnt even bother to chase me. I have no idea. I dont know why. If he was not happy because of me, I would rather he scolds me, rather than keeping quiet like that. The sky was dark, when I reached KJ station, I was struggling whether to ask my dad to pick me up. Coz I told them I am not coming back for dinner and I have transport back. If I call him, sure he will ask, and my voice sure crack trying to hide my emotion. I walked back. All the way, I was praying that no one will snatch my bag. Yes, I am scare of walking back in the dark. I have no idea why I am I doing this. I need time to calm down my emotion. I reached home, trying to act normal when I step in. Mum asked me whether I have taken dinner. I said yes. but the fact is I have not. I only took a few peanuts. All these happenings made me felt that I am not important to him. He left me walking alone back to my house in tears. My friends wouldnt allow that, furthermore he is this man whom I loved for a few years, and he did nothing to pull me back. I am sad. I am disappointed. I wanted to write this feelings last night but I thought I will calm down after a night and I will try to patch things up. I thought Angela's wedding would have made me calm, but when the song was sang, I just know that I cant hide my feelings for yesterday. It hurts. Really hurts.

* Updated 20/7: I am fine now, in fact we are fine now. After reading this post, he felt that I am so kesian like that, so he tum me back. Thanks for all your concerns ya.

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